- I need a place to think out loud...
- October 3rd, 2013
So... I started out in Architecture. I did that for 3 semesters. Then I transferred to change my major to Elementary Education. I was at that school for 1 semester. My dad couldn't afford it so I stayed home and took classes a CCV. I successfully completed 1 semester taking 2 classes and working and withdrew from my second semester.
At the time I was convinced that I withdrew because 1) I hated taking online classes, 2) all of my classmates were stupid and, 3) I wasn't feeling challenged therefore I wasn't doing the work and would have failed my classes anyway. Looking back there was more at play than I realized. I hated the online format, but I wasn't interested in the subject area, or driven enough to do the work. All of my classmates were stupid because its a community college but also, unfortunately a lot of unintelligent people are in that major. I wasn't feeling challenged by the content because most of the content was middle school level at hardest.
Now I'm at UVM, same major, Elementary Education, and I'm realizing that it wasn't CCV as much as it was the subject area. I find my classes boring, easy and uninteresting. My math class, Math for Elementary School Teachers, is made up of people who could barely pass algebra. I mean, the teacher asked us to work in base 5 for the day so we could experience the way a child learns to add and count. One of the students asked if base 5 was a real thing. I wanted to cry, I learned that in 7th grade.
I know that realistically I should just stick with this because I've gone to 4 schools and I'm already extending my college education by 2 years, but I'm not sure I have it in me. I think my reason for choosing elementary education was as shallow as it was for choosing Architecture. I know that I said multiple times that I want to inspire children to love math and science so that one day, hopefully one of them would be smart enough and love the subject enough to change the world. So that humanity could see the stars and explore the universe. I said that I wanted to do that because I'm not smart enough to do it myself.
Screw that. I based my future off of a line insisting that I'm not smart. Well I am smart. My favorite college classes that I've taken have been Calculus and Medieval Literature. I really had to think to pass those and there was visible growth for me. Math and science have been my favorite subjects my whole life. After a class in those subject areas I come home still thinking about what I've learned and completely fascinated by the patterns. I should be doing something math and science related right? At least that's what I'm thinking about now.
I'm just struggling with the idea of changing my major and transferring again. I'm so worn out on school that I'm not sure I have it in me, but at the same time, I think I could if I was excited about what I'm learning.